When life begins and ends

One of the hardest things for me about being away from Boston are the big occasions, especially when life begins and ends. Since I've been in Omaha, I've had several friends loose parents, siblings and spouses and I have this overwhelming feeling that I belong at home at such a hard time. Maybe part of it has to do with me playing the role of "gatherer" so I tend to rally the troops and get everyone to the wake, visitation, service, gathering... whatever. Maybe part of it has to do with my upbringing in the funeral business. Maybe it's just that my friends and community are very important to me and to have a friend, you have to be a friend. When I'm not home, I'm not available to "be a friend" the way I'd like. A phone call is just not the same.

Today I found out that a friend's mother passed away and I feel just as I did several times over the past 2 1/2 years..... that I should be there. She's meeting with the Rabbi now and I recall a time 6 years ago when her daughter died, and I went with her to make the arrangements when it was just too painful. I guess life pulls you in different directions and you need to go with it, but I really miss being part of a community where I felt so connected, and where I built a life for the better part of 20 years.

An Update from Patrickland

I know, I am lazy. Well, I am not lazy, but I just don't have the time to update my blog the way that I would like. in case you're wondering, here's what's happening "in America, AKA, Patrickland":

• I am not sure where the time goes. I am up at 6:30 and I'm running around with all the household and kid stuff and still don't seem to make any progress. I thought that in Moving to America, I was going to sit around and eat bon-bons all day. I'm wondering when that starts because I'm too busy!
• The kids are now out of school and I officially don't know what I will do when I have them both home all day, every day. Good thing the Vodka is handy!
• Through the year they have been busy with ballet, gymnastics, ice skating, soccer, swimming and sometime skiing. Yes, I am "that woman" who has her kids in too many activities. My rationale is that they want to do all this stuff, and if they don't, then there's nothing to do after school here because no one in Omaha ever goes outside to just "play". In Charlestown you couldn't swing a cat without hitting a stroller, and here everyone just drives from huge SUV into their garage and closes the door. Sigh...........
• Omaha is a great city for lots or people. I am just not one of them. After almost 3 years, I am more and more convinced that I am a devout urbanite who belongs in a city with a large body of water, and the muddy icky Missouri River doesn't count.
• The kids are at a wonderful private school and Sophie is reading much better than her parents ever did at that age. The school is the equivalent of BB&N, Shady Hill, or Chestnut Hill but significantly less expensive. I guess that's one good thing about Omaha!
• Despite having a lot of nice friends, and doing lots of volunteering at the school (sustaining committee, chair of the Silent Auction, etc....) I still miss Boston, and would be on the next bus outa here if I could!
• Long term plan - yes, we do have one. We've come to terms with Neal's career situation. As a senior executive in a corporate setting, his gigs will likely only ever be 3-5 years - sometimes more, sometimes less, but generally, at that level there can easily be a change in which way the wind's blowing and you're out. So it looks like we are doomed to be nomads, moving around. As someone who was traumatized by moving 5 blocks in Charlestown, this doesn't sit well with me, but I guess this is just life. Our objective is to now get back to the East Coast and buy a Cape house, which would be "home" for us. Then we would just rent wherever the job is, and come back to Massachusetts in the summers so the kids has a consistent "home". Who knows it that will truly work out, but it's our goal. Keep your fingers crossed!
• I have yet to meet Warren Buffett. I did see him at a football game once sitting in the next box, and I do know his friends (they the grandparents of Sophie's friends) but I haven't actually met him yet. I think I will go hang out at a join where he's known to eat lunch. maybe he'll come in and I can get a picture for our Christmas Card!
• I am still waiting for the bon-bon eating to begin.

I miss Tim Russert

I really miss Tim Russert this election seasion. I loved seeing his pure enthusiasm for his job, and the whole democratic process. Now as we're in the mist of challenging times, I REALLY miss him. Even though Tim seemed to be an ardent liberal, this conservative still liked his line questioning and loved how giddy he was showing us all his white board, or his maps. I feel bad for that guy that NBC has now. He's a pollster or something and just doesn't have the personality that Tim did.

I had the pleasure of meeting Tim at a bar once in Boston in the fall of 2001, just after that horrible day. I was at a table and noticed him, having a beer milling about at the bar. I sent my then-boyfriend out to get a camera and we went up and introduced ourselves and told him how much we enjoyed his show. He seemed as thrilled at our compliment as a novice might be when someone said he or she did something right. I was impressed to see how humble this great man was.

I was even at a luncheon yesterday when one of the ladies at the table mentioned how much she missed him. I guess I'm not the only one!

Godspeed Tim!

Noisy Philanthropy

Paul Newman died this weekend, and that makes me recall a conversation my friend Beth once had with him. Beth was a conference organizer and she was responsible for getting speakers to come to her event about philanthropy. Beth is an excellent researcher and found out that Newman's Own is a highly philanthropic company so she called them to see if anyone would come speak.

She got a gentleman on the phone who was very senior but did not want to speak at her conference, but he said that Paul was right there if she wanted to talk to him. Of course she said yes and the phone was handed over to the Academy Award winner himself. Beth asked him if he would come to speak at her conference and he said "No" that he didn't believe in "noisy philanthropy."

Paul's term, Noisy Philanthropy has stuck with me over the years, especially when I see all these Omaha society ladies on every committee, every league, every guild just to have their name added to the list or get asked to be on something better. Nothing bugs me more than seeing people who just add their name and send in their check for $30.00 and not really care about a cause.

I guess it's not a bad thing for causes to take people's money if they want to give it, but somehow, to me, it's just more fulfilling to see people active in causes who truly care about children's theater, or love art, or want to make their kid's school a better place rather than doing something because it's the cool thing to do.

A funny thing happened on the way to school pick-up.....

Back in January I made a new friend. Jackie moved to Omaha from Manchester-By-The-Sea, and I met her in the school parking lot. She has a little boy named Andrew who just started at Sophie's school. As you can imagine, we've become fast friends, commiserating over our homesickness and it's been wonderful to have her here.... finally someone who understands how hard Omaha's been for me, and at least she has me, someone who feels her pain adjusting to life here.

Jackie has a niece back in Boston whose husband just accepted a job with Mass General, and they were looking for a house. She had me e-mail pictures of my house, they saw it, loved it, and they are buying it when our tenants move out in August. So bad news.... I am selling my beloved Boston house.

As you can imagine, as a Bostonian and a proud Charlestown Toonie, this is crushing for me, but yet I know it's the right thing. What a fluke for someone to move here from Boston, have a relative looking for a property like mine, have me walk them through via cell phone complete with tenants, buy it, and I get the price I want in a terrible real estate market? I can rationalize this very painful decision because unlike Omaha, everything has fallen into place, and as my wise friend Lori says, "if it's meant to be, it will be". I guess this was meant to be.

We are now preparing to go back home, to Boston for a few weeks to visit, and pack up the house. I can't wait to be home, but still..... I am very sad these days about really, truly leaving home... especially for a place that just doesn't feel right, nor has it ever felt right. I think I just need skyscrapers rather than wide open spaces, oceans rather than golf courses, enthusiasm rather than apathy, and lots people instead of this isolation and boredom!

The Cost of Living.......

in Omaha is OUTRAGEOUS! I laugh because people from here think it's so inexpensive relative to the east coast. What a hoot! they don't know what they are missing when there's a little healthy competition! Here's my latest example.....

I decided that I wanted my downstairs power room to be fancy, like my Boston power room, and like all my friends' power rooms. We are having the whole house painted since the original cheep contractor's paint shows all the kids' fingerprints, so I figured it was a good time. I found a reasonably priced granite remnant, and thought the painters could just take down the mirror which I would replace with my fancy one coming from my Boston house. WRONG! I need to pay a glass guy $60.00 to come take it down because painters here don't do handiwork.

Then there's the faucet. We could just use our old faucet, right? WRONG! Neal needs to figure out how to take it off, or else I need to pay a plumber to come out here and do it, and they might not do it because they are union, so if I am taking a faucet off, then I will need to replace one, and I will need to buy said faucet from that plumber, who will mark it up 400 times. The lady at the lumber store said that she had a pedestal sink she found for $200, but the plumber wouldn't install it unless she bought it from him for $800! HIGHWAY ROBBERY!

In Boston, we have a great plumber who always answers his phone and comes when he is scheduled to be there. He charges reasonable rates and he even specs things out for you so you can buy it yourself.We put in a high end shower in Boston and Tom, the Awesome Plumber told us everything to buy and gave us no grief installing it at all. I think he even has a key to our house so he comes and goes as necessary. This whole thing would be such a non issue if I were home!

So, my simple little project has turned into a great big pain in the ass! Ah.... Omaha!

The Boss and The Big Dance

Much as Omaha has been a challenge for me, I must admit, we do lots and lots of things here that e wouldn't do in Boston (Hub of the Universe). This past week we saw Springsteen and went to two March Madness games. I must admit, it would be amazing to see one of those events, let alone both in the course of a week. Omaha, I am humbled!

This was the fourth time I've seen Springsteen, and he never, ever fails to put on a stellar show. Even pushing 60, he still rocks, albiet, not for the 4 hour show he put on for the Born in the USA tour way back when. As usual, he sang some new stuff that no one cared about and some oldies that everyone came to see. And no, he did not sing Rosalita, but he did sing Dancing in the Dark, so I was pleased!

For March Madness, we saw Kansas State beat USC, and Winconsin beat UC Fullerton. Neal was thrilled to see Wisconsin, and even more thrilled that I rooted for them! They won yet again and now are on to the Sweet 16. On Wisconsin!

A New Friend

I've mentioned in my little cronicle that although I am not wild about Omaha, we do have a lot of nice friends here. Too bad the place is so spread out and it's hard to see them!

Anyway, a new family moved to Omaha from, of all places, Manchester-By-The-Sea and now Jackie and have become fast friends. Finally I feel like there's someone else here who can really relate to the things I miss from the ocean to the accessability to the pedestrian lifestyle. Jackie, you are a Godsend! I do have a wonderful friend named Jen who actually stayed in my house in Boston when her little boy went there for surgery, so she "got it" but it's really great to have someone around who also says "where are the people???" in wonderous amazement like me.

But here's the really funny thing. Everyone says that people in the midwest (and Omaha) are so nice. While I might agree that they are nice, I do not think that they are particularly friendly. Here's what I mean..... Jackie's little boy Andrew goes to Sophie's school and has the same teacher that Sophie did last year when we moved to Omaha. Jackie worked with the same admissions director that I did as well, and neither of these people told her about me... something like, "....there was another family here from Boston and the mom stays home and let me introduce you... I'm sure she's love to show you around...". So here this poor woman was, alone in a new city with no one friends and to ask her out for coffee. It's a good thing I noticed her little boy's Patriot's hat and started up a conversation! Now I think she feels a little better about being out here since she's met me, and some of my friends but I think it's so sad that no one bothered to go out of their way to make this new family feel welcome. That's the same thing I went through. The only people who "welcomed" me, so to speak, were recent transplants from New York and New Jersey who were lonely too!

Neal thinks that it's more common that not to just mind your own business rather than make connections and draw people in, and that anyone would have run into that same thing in Charlestown. I think it goes back to my same frustration.....population density and lack of a pedestrian lifestyle. In Charlestown, our Mother's Group has 550 members and people walked around. If 10% of those people are outgoing and out and about, that's 55 people in a community that are willing to make new folks feel welcome and bring them into the loop. Here there are probably 350 families in the whole school, which leaves 35 people, many of which you never see because they just pick up their kids and drive away.

Sigh....... At least I now have Jackie, who also misses Dunkin Donuts! 'sniff!

More Concerts....

Neal and I have seen more concerts since we've been in Omaha than I have in my entire adult life. The company has a skybox and corporate tickets, so we're able to go reasonably often. I'm trying to keep them all staight in my mind, but so far, I think we've seen:

• Blue Man Group
• Eric Clapton
• John Cougar Melloncamp
• Billy Joel
• Trans Siberian Orchestra
• Elton John
• Van Halen
• and Bon Jovi

And that doesn't include the kids stuff like the Circus, and Elmo Grows Up, or, as Maggie says, "Elmo Throws Up". I'm still laughing about that one.

Next month Springsteen is coming and i sure hope we get tickets for that one. And then the Police are coming too..... it would be just my luck to see Bon Jovi and Van Halen, groups I didn't really care about, and the not get to see Springsteen or the Police... .stay tuned!